Madeline Ruth - An Unmedicated Hospital Birth Story

Today I’m sharing the unmedicated hospital birth of my first child, Madeline. She was born 11 years ago today, but I still remember it vividly. It wasn’t a perfect birth, but it’s uniquely mine and I’m so thankful for every part of it. I wrote this just a few months after she was born and I’ve changed very little before sharing it here with you. Happy Birthday, sweet baby.

Two False Alarms

On a Thursday, four days before my due date, I woke up with a terrible backache and cramping. I decide to just stay home from work and see if the backache turned into anything. Pretty shortly after that, I started having contractions about every 5 minutes and by 3pm, they were getting stronger, longer and closer together. I called my husband, Justin, and told him to wrap things up at work and head home. I was miserable by the time he got home at 4pm, so we loaded up the car and took the 10 minute drive to the hospital.

It had been my plan to labor at home for as long as possible, so I was so proud of myself for staying home for so long! You can imagine my disappointment when the nurse checked me and informed me that I was “maybe 1 cm” dilated. I had been 1 cm for 4 weeks, so this was not what I wanted to hear. Turns out I was dehydrated and once they gave me some fluids, the contractions and backache started to fade. So I did the L & D walk of shame past the nurses station and back out of the hospital…without my baby.

I spent the weekend waiting for labor to kick back in, but instead just had sporadic contractions – nothing I could time. Monday was my due date and also my 24th birthday. I had fantasized my whole pregnancy about sharing my birthday with my baby, and although I thought I had prepared myself for the fact that I may go “overdue”, I was genuinely shocked when my due date came and went with no baby. My doctor scheduled an induction for that Saturday (40+5) and I remember getting in my car after my appointment and sobbing. I didn’t want to be induced, but I was so nervous about vocalizing what I wanted. I convinced myself I’d probably go into labor on my own before then and it wouldn’t be an issue.

Prodomal labor continued throughout the week. The contractions would come fast and furious for hours at a time and just when I’d start to think they were turning into the real thing, they’d stop altogether. On Thursday I got the courage up to call my doctor and postpone my induction until the following Tuesday (41+1).

Friday afternoon I tried a castor oil concoction (which I do *not* recommend for women only 4 days past their due date). Nothing really happened for many hours, but late that night contractions started coming about 5 minutes apart. They started getting closer together around 4am and I woke Justin up to help me through them. At 6am I was convinced this was “it” and we headed to the hospital. By this point my contractions were 2-3 minutes apart, 45-60 seconds long.

I finally got checked around 7am and was still only 1cm. Talk about discouraging. Because my contractions were still so close together they didn’t want me to go home, so they sent us for a walk and told us to come back in two hours. By 10am I could tell the contractions were spacing out and weakening. We were given the option of staying and starting pitocin or going home. I opted to go home, hide in my room and feel sorry for myself.

In hindsight it seems so silly to be so unhappy at just 4 days “late”, but my emotions and feelings were very real and very big. I was inundated with phone calls and check-ins from co-workers, friends and family.

Monday morning I had a doctors appointment and the first thing I did was move my induction (again!) from Tuesday to Thursday. I had a cervical check and was still 1 cm. My sister Kelly took me shopping at the local mall and we spent hours walking from store to store. I had heard that curb walking (walking with one foot on, one foot off the curb) could help drop the baby lower into your pelvis, so I decided to give it a try. Kelly even did it with me so I wouldn’t feel like such a dork.

Is This It?

The contractions kicked in again around 8pm, which had been happening every night, but I had been crampy all day so I was hopeful. Justin decided to go to bed early and I layed on the couch and tried to sleep. That whole night is a little fuzzy, but I remember spending hours in the tub and some time on my birth ball listening to my hypno-birthing CDs.

At 6am the contractions really picked up in intensity and I woke Justin up and told him he probably shouldn’t go into work. We decided to go for a walk, but never made it outside. All I wanted to do during the contractions was to rock on all fours. I was exhausted from no sleep and by 9am I started to get really emotional about whether or not we should go to the hospital. At this point I had been having contractions 2-3 minutes apart, 45-80 seconds long for 13 hours. Two hours later the intensity started to ramp up and I was nervous about waiting too long. So we headed to the hospital. Again.

Déjà vu

Because I was eight days past my “due date” I was admitted directly to a room and the nurse started working on my admission papers. Before she checked me, I told her that I’d been here twice before and that if she told me I was still only 1 cm I was going to cry. She checked me and gave me a really sweet smile and said,

“Well, the good news is – you’re 80% effaced!”

I just looked at her blankly.

“Are you telling me that I’m still 1 cm?”

She genuinely looked sorry when she nodded yes.

Then I really did cry. It had been 16 hours since my contractions started and I hadn’t made any cervical change. Of all the scenarios and paths I had envisioned my labor taking, this version hadn’t been in the script.

They sent us walking around the hospital and I continued to have strong, regular contractions. During the waves, I would stop walking and Justin would apply counter pressure to my lower back. About two hours later we headed back upstairs and the nurse could tell immediately that I was in active labor. She checked me right away and I was 2-3 cm, 90% effaced. Finally some progress!

I had agreed to intermittent monitoring, so I had to sit in the bed for 20 minutes while they monitored the baby and that was really difficult to manage.

My doctor came in around 4pm and checked me and I was 4cm, 100% effaced. She offered to break my water and I agreed. This is probably something I wouldn’t do again, but I had experienced so much prodromal labor over the last two weeks, I really did feel like it was possible that the contractions would stop. The hospital policy is that water broken = continuous monitoring, but she agreed to allow me to continue to have full freedom of movement.

For the next hour I labored in the shower, on the birth ball and leaning over the bed. Nothing seemed to bring me any relief from the squeezing contractions. I just tried to handle them one at a time and focus on my breathing and relaxation techniques.

“I Feel Pushy!”

Around 5pm I started squatting with each contraction – because I had heard that helps speed things up – and before long I started feeling “pushy”. I was experiencing such a tremendous amount of pressure, and I couldn’t imagine that I had much longer to go. Justin called the nurse to come check me. Even though I was only 5cm, my body started to bear down with each contraction. Thirty minutes later I was begging the nurse to check me again, the urge to push was so strong and I couldn’t stop it anymore. She announced that I was a “stretchy 6” and decided to call my doctor because it appeared that things were going to start moving quickly.

My doctor arrived around 6pm and gave us the great news that I was fully dilated and could start to push.

Enter: Devil Nurse

This part of the day is really fuzzy for me, but here is what I do remember: The room was set up for delivery and then my doctor left. The nurse that had been with me all day told me to just breathe through a few contractions and then she left too. This was around 7pm, so it’s obvious now that there was a shift change, but I was so in the zone, they either didn’t communicate this to me or I didn’t hear it. About 15 minutes later a new nurse came in and obviously had not been briefed on my progress. She totally freaked out that room was ready for delivery and and insisted on checking me to make sure I was ready to push. She announced that I was only 6cm and had hours and hours to go – wouldn’t I like to get my epidural now?

I was furious. Everyone had been so great about following my birth plan and no one had even mentioned pain medication to me, just as I had requested. I told her that I did not want an epidural, not now, not ever. She then proceeded to tell me how with her first child she had been 8 cm for 4 hours and 9 cm for 5 hours. Just what I wanted to hear.

In hindsight, I don’t know why I didn’t ask for my doctor or a different nurse, but I just kept focusing on trying not to push. Justin had to maintain eye contact and stay right in my face and breathe with me breath for breath. Not pushing was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I got out of bed, but all that made me want to do was squat and push with every contraction, which of course sent my new nurse into a fit.

“Don’t Push!”

Two student nurses came in (we had previously given them permission to observe the birth) and they were a huge help to me. Justin held one hand, one of the students held the other and all three of them breathed with me through each contraction. I know I must have sounded like a broken record in between the contractions, “I have to push, please let me push!” and after about 30 minutes, the nurse checked me and told me I was still 6 cm and my cervix was swelling all the way around.

Another nurse was charting in the corner and I heard her walk over and say “she’s 7-8”. She then told me I was probably going to end up with a c-section, so I’d better just get an epidural now. I very deliberately and forcefully said, “Don’t say that.” She got very offended and started spouting off her credentials and continued to tell me how many hours I had left to go. If you’ve been in labor, you know how difficult it is to articulate your thoughts or even form a single word during labor, but I remember thinking that she was absolutely nuts and I was going to have this baby soon and that would show her.

Thankfully, she left the room and I was able to work with my contractions for another 30 minutes with just Justin and the student nurses. During one particularly hard contraction the three of them told me once again to “just breathe” and I told them all to stop telling me that, it was literally impossible not to push and this baby wanted to come out NOW. They ran to get the nurse and she confirmed that I was 10 cm and ready to push. My doctor came in very shortly afterwards and it was a HUGE relief to finally start pushing in earnest.

Time to Push!

I gave it everything I had – I was so ready to be done. After about two pushes I started to feel the “ring of fire” that everyone talks about and knew I was close to the end. One more push and the baby was crowning. The doctor looked up at me and said, “We’re going to have a baby with the next contraction, are you ready?” I was so ready. One more push and at 8:36pm, she was born! As soon as the doctor held her up, I said “It’s a girl!”. We had both been so convinced that I was going to have a boy, so it really did feel like such a surprise.

They placed her on my chest and I remember thinking that she was the most beautiful baby I’d ever seen. She weighed in at 7 lbs., 13 oz. and was 20 inches long.

After we were both cleaned up, the doctor volunteered to go get the family members that had been patiently waiting in the waiting room. We heard them cheering all the way down the hall. It had been hours since they had an update and everyone was very anxious. Four grandparents, two great-grandparents, seven siblings and three nieces and nephews piled into our room and we introduced the family to our little girl, Madeline Ruth.

Hindsight is 20/20

In hindsight, there are things that I would have done differently. I would have definitely taken the 45 minute drive to a more natural childbirth friendly hospital. I would have made sure that Justin was more prepared to advocate for me. Doulas weren’t very popular back then, but that honestly would have been a perfect solution. Justin was never really aware of how much the new nurse was bothering me and I wasn’t able to communicate with him at all because I needed every ounce of my concentration and energy just to not push.

I never did find out why my doctor told me I was ready to push and then the new nurse checked me and I was only 6cm. I asked my doctor about it later and she said I had a little “lip” and she asked the nurses to have me breathe through a few contractions. Honestly, everything about my labor – even though I had a very long early stage – was perfect up until the new nurse came on duty. Because I was supported and felt safe and cared for. I sometimes wonder if my dilation actually did reverse because I was anxious.