We are currently living in the self-help generation. We are bombarded from every side with body and self-positivity messaging, both from the media and advertising culture. Apparently, everything you need to live your best life is just a google search and an e-book away.

Of course, wanting to better yourself and be mindfully positive is a good thing. Right? Probably. Maybe. It depends. Let’s take a more in-depth look at how positive affirmations, and specifically, birth affirmations, can impact our current mental state and our future outcomes.

What are Birth Affirmations?

Birth affirmations have become widely accepted and used by pregnant and laboring women to help reinforce and encourage desirable thoughts, feelings, and outcomes. Phrases like “My body is capable and strong” and “My body knows how to give birth” are just a taste of the plethora of affirmations created with pregnant women in mind.

When we repeat a positive birth affirmation, our prefrontal cortex reacts to our statement. The prefrontal cortex is the part of our brain that governs executive function, reasoning, emotional responses, and even aspects of our personality. Positive self-talk has been scientifically proven to decrease stress and improve health. They are often used to help shut down or minimize negative thought patterns. If your core beliefs tell you that you are a strong, capable woman, you’re likely to be encouraged by affirmations that reinforce what you already know to be true. It’s normal for pregnant women, and especially first-time moms,  to experience some level of apprehension or fear about labor and birth. Birth affirmations help quiet these nerves and help reconnect women to their core beliefs of strength, confidence, and capability.

But is it really that simple?

What happens if your core beliefs don’t line up with the positive words you are repeating and focusing on?  Women who struggle with anxiety, depression or have low self-esteem may find that positive affirmations actually make their feelings of inadequacy and fear worse.

How is that possible? Whether we realize it or not, each of us filters new data and ideas through our existing belief system. We each have a particular worldview based on our background, religious beliefs, personal experiences (both good and bad) and a myriad of other factors that are unique to each individual. When we encounter an idea, or in this case, an affirmation, that contradicts our worldview, it results in a phenomenon called cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance happens when a person holds two conflicting or opposing beliefs, and it results in feelings of discomfort, stress, and tension. We can only resolve this feeling of psychological stress by rejecting a previously held truth and adopting a new one or finding a way to disprove and dismiss the new thought or idea. Unfortunately, women who have deeply rooted negative feelings about their bodies are likely to choose the latter. The belief gap between what they want to believe and what they actually believe is too wide to bridge.

Consider this example:

A woman plans for an unmedicated, vaginal birth and nothing unfolds the way she planned. She doesn’t go into labor on her own, and after a failed induction, she needs a cesarean to bring her baby into the world safely. She suffers from postpartum anxiety and struggles to come to terms with her traumatic birth.

When she becomes pregnant with her second child, she wants to have a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) and begins using positive pregnancy affirmations to help combat the negative feelings and fears that exist as a result of her first birth. But when she says “My body was made to birth this baby”, cognitive dissonance sets in, because her experiences contradict that statement. She already tried and was unable to birth vaginally, so trying to believe the affirmation creates anxiety and stress. Her trauma keeps squashing the hope of a specific outcome (VBAC), and so she feels worthless and guilty because she can’t change her negative feelings about birth.

A study published in the Journal of Psychological Science, by Dr. Joanne Wood and others at the University of Waterloo, confirms that “present results suggest that for certain people, positive self-statements may be not only ineffective but actually detrimental.” Those “certain people” are those who suffer from low self-esteem or have deeply ingrained negative thought patterns.

Dr. Woods also suggests that although research confirms that positive affirmations don’t always work, more research is needed to fully understand how positive self-talk can be beneficial and when it should be avoided.

You Have Other Options

If you are one of these expectant or postpartum mothers who have found birth affirmations to be unhelpful or stressful, you do have options. If you desire to change your negative and fearful emotions about birth, it’s best to start small.

Go Neutral

While it may not be a good idea for you to jump right into positive birth affirmations, there is no need to continue to reinforce negative thought patterns. We know that birth has the potential to be a beautiful, empowering experience, and spending time focusing on all the things that might go wrong is neither productive nor healthy. We might not be able to jump to positive affirmations, but we can start in neutral.

Consider these examples:

Positive: “My body will easily birth my baby.”

Neutral: “My birth might be easy or difficult.”

Negative: “I’m going to have a difficult birth.”

Positive: “My body is capable and strong.”

Neutral: “I don’t feel capable and strong, but I’m working on it.”

Negative: “I’m not capable or strong enough for birth.”

Positive: “My baby will arrive at the perfect time.”

Neutral: “My baby will arrive.”

Negative: “My body will never go into labor.”

Allowing yourself the space to acknowledge the doubt you feel is not unhealthy. Admitting your doubt and also leaving room for a positive outcome is a great place to start.

Ask Questions?

Another way to approach birth affirmations is to ask them as questions. Questions have a way of sneaking past the “bullcrap meter” that our subconscious mind has erected. Phrasing an affirmation as a question allows us to shift the focus from what is onto what could be. Using our examples from earlier, let’s try phrasing them as questions and see how it feels:

“Will my body easily birth my baby?”

“Is my body capable and strong?”

“Will my baby arrive at the perfect time?”

Much like the neutral affirmations, questions leave room for a positive outcome. They allow both your conscious and your subconscious brain to acknowledge the possibility that things could go right.

Putting It All Together

All women – at the very least, most women – have some level of fear or apprehension about some element of their pregnancy and birth. Identifying and acknowledging these fears is the first step towards learning to co-exist with them in a way that doesn’t have an adverse effect on your delivery.

Even if you have a particular fear, (e.g., tearing during the pushing phase), you might fully trust your ability to be strong and healthy during your pregnancy. Positive affirmations on that topic might be a great asset. You can pick and choose the areas of birth where you feel the most anxiety and decide to address those with neutral affirmations or questions.

You don’t need to fear birth. But intense and unexpected events sometimes happen during birth, and it’s not beneficial to pretend otherwise. Yes, you could end up with a cesarean section. Yes, it’s possible your favorite doctor won’t be on call for your delivery. Don’t waste time trying to pretend that you’ll be able to control every facet of your birth. Instead, focus on preparing mentally and physically for whatever birth you and your baby need.

You don’t have to have a perfect birth to have a positive birth. Focusing on the elements of your birth that you can control –  like who your provider is and who will support you during labor – can help you begin to reprogram the negative ruts that have been created in your mind.