If you’ve landed on this post, I’m guessing you’re pregnant and have decided on a natural childbirth and want to do it in a traditional hospital setting. Now what? You are probably feeling overwhelmed and maybe even intimidated by the amount of information that is available.
Opinions from everyone and their mother are undoubtedly flying in your direction. You’re wondering things like “Can I even do this in a hospital?” and “Everyone thinks I’m crazy, it must hurt SO bad!”. First of all, take a deep breath. Can you (or anyone) predict the way your labor is going to unfold? Nope. However, the correct tools in your toolbox can tip the odds of having a natural childbirth in your favor. I’m going to provide you with a “starter kit” of tools that you will need. Each of them plays an important role in tipping that scale in your favor.
Let’s get started!
A Supportive Provider
This is possibly the most important thing you can do to increase your chances of a natural child birth. The more births I attend and the more women I talk to, it becomes abundantly clear that the standard of care and the management of labor is NOT universal. Simple things like freedom of movement, continuous monitoring and routine interventions can make a huge impact on your ability to manage the pain of labor. Talk to your doctor or midwife at your next appointment about your decision to have a natural childbirth. Be assertive. Don’t ask for their opinion on your choice. If he or she seems hesitant, makes light of your decision, or appears frustrated with you, it’s time to find a new provider.
While there are many really good, specific questions that you will need answers to, I’m a big fan of just starting out with a casual, respectful conversation about your provider’s birth philosophy. Here’s my experience:
When I met with my OB for the first time, I was sweating bullets and the list of questions in my pocket felt like I was carrying a stick of dynamite into her office. I didn’t even know *why* I was asking half of the questions on the list, just that the internet told me they were important. After my initial exam, I just blurted out “I WANT TO HAVE A NATURAL BIRTH!” like it was some kind of dirty secret. She just smiled and said “That’s awesome! Here’s the thing – this is your birth. As long as you and the baby are safe, I’m just here to provide support. You can labor and birth any way you want to.” Hallelujah! That’s what I needed to hear. Her demeanor immediately set me at ease. I didn’t even pull out my 3 page list of questions. As our relationship progressed and my knowledge about natural birth increased, I asked additional questions and eventually reviewed my detailed birth preferences with her. If your provider bristles at the mention of birth plans and natural birth, that’s a huge red flag.
A Supportive Partner
Involve your partner in your decision and share information along your journey. Help them invest in this goal by including them every step of the way. What you don’t want to do is try to explain why you wanted to do this while you are in the throes of labor.
Most partners are excited and totally on board when they learn alongside you all the benefits that a natural child birth will give you and your unborn child. It’s an excellent bonding experience and vitally important during labor when you may not be in the frame of mind to advocate for yourself. The Birth Partner is the #1 book that I recommend to partners. My husband is not a reader and has an extremely laid back personality, so I actually read the book first, took a highlighter and highlighted the portions of each chapter that I found the most relevant and it was much easier for him to tackle and less daunting that way. (Me? A control freak? Pshhhh!)
If you are at all worried about your partner’s ability to provide the support you need during labor, the next tool becomes even more important.
A Birth Doula or Labor Support Person
What is a doula? A doula is a birth professional that you hire independently (unless you are lucky enough to have a provider or birth center that staffs them) to “attend” you during labor. They are an emotional, mental and physical support for YOU. Your doula will meet with you several times prior to your birth and be very familiar with what your birth preferences are and help support you in literally every way during labor. An experienced doula is worth her weight in gold. Even if you have a supportive partner, a doula is still a wise investment, because it takes some of the pressure off of dad and gives him some backup if you find yourself in the position of having to advocate during your labor.
A doula should be someone you trust. Labor doesn’t follow a script, so if you end up in a labor that takes a detour, it’s pretty incredible to have someone by your side that has ideas and suggestions to get you to the finish line safely.
Pre-natal Education
This is a big one and the one that will take the most time and effort on your part. You are officially going back to school. Your assignment is to read, listen and absorb as much information as you can about the inner workings of your body during pregnancy and labor. Not only that, but you will need to know how and why different drugs and interventions are used during labor and when and why they may be offered to you. If you are 8 hours into your labor and not progressing and your OB wants to administer pitocin, will you be in a position to confidently say, “not yet.”? Hospitals and the litany of professionals that will be buzzing in and out of your room can be intimidating. It’s HARD to disagree with a doctor. And it’s pretty much impossible if you have no idea why you are disagreeing. Read books. Watch movies. Be informed.
A quick note about consuming information – Watch your sources. There is a reason some doctors advise against moms “googling” symptoms and scenarios. There is just as much misinformation out there as there is verifiable information. When I had to respectfully disagree with my doctor about something, it was empowering to know that the ACOG (American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists), which sets the gold standard for maternity care here in the US, supported MY viewpoint. It’s pretty satisfying to be able to say, “Hmmmm, I hear what you’re saying, but I’m confused why your recommendation doesn’t line up with ACOG guidelines.” BOOM. Mic drop.
Take a Birth Class
This goes hand in hand with pre-natal education. You would never attempt to run a marathon (or a 5k, for that matter!) without first training and having a game plan. Enroll yourself and your partner in a birth class, preferably one that specializes in natural child birth, and practice and rehearse your breathing techniques, labor positions and birth affirmations as much as you can. A good birth class won’t just tell you how. They will also tell you why.
Talk to other moms and connect with doulas and midwives on social media. They know things. This is a genuinely friendly and caring community and I’m willing to bet that there are dozens of professionals in your own community who would love to come along side you and point you in the right direction. If you decide not to hire a doula, there might be someone who would at the very least be able to talk to you about hospital policies and give you the low down on what to expect from your particular hospital and care provider.
Find Your “Why”
You may have noticed that I have gone into very little detail about why you would even want to have a natural child birth. If you are here reading this article, I’m making an assumption that you’ve already made that choice, or you are researching your options. Maybe you’re terrified of needles and want anything but an epidural. Maybe you just want to prove to yourself that you can do hard things. Maybe you enjoy pain. Who am I to judge?
Whatever the reason, it is a fact that for a low risk pregnancy in a healthy mother, a vaginal delivery is the safest way for your baby to be born. Therefore, we should want to do whatever we can to facilitate a successful vaginal birth. This includes avoiding unnecessary inductions and limiting or avoiding the use of augmentation and pain medication. Do your research, understand why you are making this choice and let that be your driving force when you hit that point in your labor where you start to question your plan.
Be a Mom with a Plan
In my experience, doctors and nurses universally hate birth plans. In my early days of being natural child birth cheerleader, I always scoffed at this and felt like it was their way of “controlling” your labor and wanting to keep you in the dark and blindly trusting of their expertise.
I don’t believe that anymore.
I think they hate birth plans because it means the mom has a vision for her perfect birth and they know that it is extremely unlikely to go exactly as she has planned. They aren’t wrong. Birth rarely goes the way we plan or imagine. First of all, I prefer to call them “birth preferences” instead of “plans” because nothing about birth can be planned. We can anticipate and make contingency plans all.day.long, but NOBODY can tell you that you won’t end up with a c-section. That’s irresponsible and has left so many moms with unsuccessful natural births feeling like they have a broken body and are a failure. That’s unfair and makes me sad on so many levels. However, there is nothing wrong with presenting your provider with a simple page of birth preferences. I always handed it over with the stipulation, “I totally understand that birth is unpredictable and some of this may not be possible or we may have to adjust as we go, but as long as me and the baby are healthy, these are my goals and preferences.”
Acknowledging to your OB or midwife that you understand this distinction changes the manner in which they will discuss it with you. Spend some time condensing your preferences to one page in an easy to read format. Ask them to make a copy for your file and bring extra copies to the hospital and pass them out like candy, Oprah style.
“YOU get a birth plan, and YOU get a birth plan!”
Focus on Your Baby
This might seem obvious, but hear me out. I have seen so many women invest hours and hours of time and research into planning for a natural birth. They drink the special pregnancy tea that tastes like feet, they visit the chiropractor, they listen to hypnosis while they fall asleep, they engage with other natural birth moms, they buy all the contraptions on the market to help during labor…and then what happens if their birth isn’t “successful” by their definition?
It’s a situation that is ripe for postpartum depression. None of the things I listed above are a bad idea, by the way. But I think it’s equally important to invest time and energy planning and daydreaming about your BABY and not just about your BIRTH.
Connect with your baby in the womb. Spend time preparing for your breastfeeding relationship. Think about your nursery or spend some time obsessing over your shower registry. Basically, don’t allow the desire for a natural birth to overshadow the fact that you are about to bring an actual human into the world. Perspective, people!
Let Go of the Fear
I think it’s safe to say that every expectant woman is fearful of something. It’s your first taste of worrying about someone other than yourself. (Welcome to parenthood, this is your new normal.)
Besides the obvious fears about the actual health and well-being of our baby, this fear also rears it’s ugly head when women think about labor and birth. Fear that they won’t go into labor at all, fear that it will go too slow (or too fast!), fear of the pain, fear of the unknown, fear of pushing, fear of tearing…the list goes on and on. But let me just say something loud and clear.
Fear is a liar.
It strips us of our confidence and undermine our goals. Be bold and sure. You don’t control the journey, but you can be prepared for the ride. So prepare. Read the books, take the classes, do the exercises. And then let it go and trust that your best birth will unfold the way it’s intended to.
This is just the beginning! You have so much more to learn and do. Remember to enjoy the process. Have fun! Find yourself some cheerleaders to support your goals and be confident in your choices.
You are doing something amazing for yourself and baby. You’re already a great mom.